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Rest in Peace
I solemnly swear I am up to no good
"Sir — Professor Dumbledore? Can I ask you something?"
"Obviously, you’ve just done so," Dumbledore smiled. “You may ask me one more thing, however."
"What do you see when you look in the mirror?"
"I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks."
Harry stared.
"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."
"You haven't got a letter on yours", George observed. "I suppose she [Mrs.Weasley] thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge."
"Now, you two - Behave yourselves. If I get one word that you've blown up a toilet or - " [Mrs. Weasley]
"Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet."
"Great idea though, thanks, Mum."
"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."
Hermione, however, clapped a hand to her forehead. "Harry -- I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!" And she sprinted away, up the stairs.
"What does she understand?" said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
"Loads more than I do." said Ron, shaking his head.
"But why's she got to go to the library?"
"Because that's what Hermione does," said Ron, shrugging. "When in doubt, go to the library."
"Do I look stupid?" snarled Uncle Vernon, a bit of fried egg dangling from his bushy mustache.
They were almost at King's Cross when Harry remembered something.
"Ginny--what did you see Percy doing, that he didn't want you to tell anyone?"
"Oh that," said Ginny, giggling. "Well--Percy's got a girlfriend."
Fred dropped a stack of books on George's head. "What?"
"It's that Ravenclaw prefect, Penelope Clearwater," said Ginny. "That's who he was writing to all last summer. He's been meeting her all over the school in secret. I walked in on them kissing in an empty classroom one day. He was so upest when she was--you know--attacked. You won't tease him, will you?" she added anxiously.
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Fred, who was looking like his birthday had come early.
"Definitely not," said George, sniggering.
George looked up in time to see Malfoy pretending to faint with terror again.
"That little git," he said calmly. "He wasn't so cocky last night when the dementors were down our end of the train. Came running into our compartment, didn't he, Fred?"
"Nearly wet himself," said Fred, with a contemptuous glance at Malfoy.
"OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!"
Harry spun around. Professor Moody was limping down the marble staircase. His wand was out and it was pointing right at a pure white ferret.
"I want to fix that in my memory forever," said Ron, his closed and an uplifted expression on his face. "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."
"Excuse me, I don't like people just because they're handsome!" said Hermione indignantly.
"And do I look like the kind of man that can be intimidated?" barked Uncle Vernon.
"Well..." said Moody, pushing back his bowler hat to reveal his sinisterly revolving eye. Uncle Vernon lept backward in horror and collided painfully with a luggage trolley. "Yes, I'd have to say you do, Dursley."
Mrs. Weasley let out a shriek just like Hermione's.
"I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?" said George indignantly, as his mother pushed him aside and flung her arms around her youngest son.
The Tale of Sloppy Joe
NMP
January 17,2006
Once upon a time there lived a boy who’s name was Joe, but because he never ever cleaned up after himself, everyone always called him Sloppy Joe. His mother, who was obsessive compulsive about (what else?) cleaning, loved her son very, very, very, very much, but abhorred the fact the fact that he was always dirty and always left a enormous mess wherever he had been. One day, after Joe had come home from the park, she simply snapped and sent Sloppy Joe off to live with her sister Mary Sue.
Sloppy Joe’s Aunt lived on a farm in Minatota, with her twenty-seven children, all under the age of ten, Fabian, Fabiana, Fabianne, Fabio, Fabiola, Fable, Fabrizio, Fabryce, Fae, Fai, Faina, Fairlie, Fairfax, Faisal, Faith, Fala, Farley, Fantine, Falon, Faro, Farra, Farrah, Faun, Fausto, Fathi, Farrow, and Faust. Because Mary Sue had twenty-seven children, there was not much room in the house, so Sloppy Joey had to live out in the pigpen. But its not like he cared, he loved dirt and filth and pigs where his favorite animal!!!
One day in late Junuary, Fala and Faro where out taking a walk to the pigpen to make sure that they weren’t still afraid of Joe. But when they got to the massive mud hill that was the pigpen, Joe wasn’t there. In his stead was a cow.
Now it never occurred to the children that the cow could be Joe turned into a cow, because surely if Joe had gotten turned into anything it would be pig. So the children too the cow home and gave it to their mother, who served the cow for dinner. But since all of her children would eat were hamburgers, she had to grind up the cow into twenty-seven hamburgers. Mary Sue only ate vegetarian you see so that is why she didn’t make into twenty-eight. But the hamburgers didn’t turn out quite right. The pickles turned into onions, the mustard into salsa, the ketchup turned into ketchup, and the meat wouldn’t hold its shape and kept on falling out of the bun! Needless to say, the children loved them and decided to call them after their cousin and open a chain of restaurant.
After Fabian, Fabiana, Fabianne, Fabio, Fabiola, Fable, Fabrizio, Fabryce, Fae, Fai, Faina, Fairlie, Fairfax, Faisal, Faith, Fala, Farley, Fantine, Falon, Faro, Farra, Farrah, Faun, Fausto, Fathi, Farrow, and Faust went to bed, the pigs stayed up all night howling at the moon because their friend Joe had been turned into a cow and had been eaten.
And that is why you should always cleanup after yourself and take lots and lots of baths so that you don’t turn into a cow.
The End